Monkey Boy

Casual Friday

While everyone else in South Africa had "Casual Friday" on the 7th Sept 2007 my web service providers had Fantastic Formal Friday. They're a bit weird:). What did I do...I went out for lunch and got Sloppily Sloshed.

The Frustrated Artist

Bored, frustrated...not sure what to do with you life....why not stick a farking, great shark through your roof. That's what Bill Heine a frustrated artist and radio presenter in Oxford, England did. To quote, "The shark was to express someone feeling totally impotent and ripping a hole in their roof out of a sense of impotence and anger and desperation… It is saying something about CND, nuclear power, Chernobyl and Nagasaki."

Anyhoo...Sharkie is almost 21 and is currently going through a refurbishment in preparation his upcoming party and this got me thinking...any one interested in sponsoring me to construct a fuggin, humongous Tyrannosaurus Rex rump to stick through my garage door in protest of the frustration that is

"Government Departments, Telkom, Banks, Insurers, Microsoft and any other big organisations who. even though we either voted them into power or give them trillions of hard earned dollars, think they can just ignore us and treat us like something the kids have tracked in on their shoes."

Flogging a Dead Horse

Dakota Native American tribal wisdom, passed on from generation to generation, says:

"When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount and get a different horse."

However, in government, education and corporate Southern Africa, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses.
5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living impaired.
7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.
9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horse's performance.
10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.
11. Declare that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.
13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

BTW: No horses where harmed during the telling of this joke.

First Female Space Tourist

  ISSpressConf.jpg 
  Originally uploaded by Space Explorer.

Wow...wow...wow...

I'm absolutley gobsmacked. The first female space tourist , Anousheh Ansari, is blogging from space and even posting pictures on flickr. You have to go and see the pictures taken from her "bedroom" window. WOW.

Oh and Anousheh...if you happen to pass by and read the Monkey Boy blog...I am kinda sorry about the Horny Old Goat post now.

Why?

Why put stripes on your fridge?
Why do you need a fridge that does 0-100kmph in 7 secs?
Why must your fridge match you car?
Why buy a fridge made by SMEG?
Why is such a big fridge called a mini fridge?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

BECAUSE

It would look real nice next to my car and I could get a truck load of beers in it.

http://www.autoblog.com/2006/09/07/chillin-with-mini/

Remember the 3,000

Today is Sept 11 and you are going to see many blogs reminding you to remember the 2,996. While I can empathise with people who lost someone 5 years ago I really do think it is time for American to get over themselves. So I say remember the 3,000.

Who are the 3,000? It is the number of children who will die from malaria today and while Bush is spending uncounted billions on avenging the 2,996 no amount of money will bring them back. In contrast spending some of that fortune on malaria may help the 5,475,000 children who will die from malaria in the next 5 years.

http://www.amref.org/index.asp?PageID=50&PiaID=1
http://www.unicef.org/health/index_malaria.html

John Cleese's Letter to America

To lazy to write my own post I have lifted this from ChumpStyle...who I guess lifted it from John Cleese. He does go on a bit about 'u' and 'ise' so I have just picked out the points I found amusing.

BTW if you are not visiting ChumpStyle regularly.....you should be!

To the citizens of the United States of America In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

5.There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

17. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "soccer". Those of you brave enough will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

Thank you for your co-operation. John Cleese

Neotel

Anyone who knows me.......knows how long I have been waiting for this.......

All I can say is Cool Bananas!

A time and a place for everything there is

Headline on Fin24 Current Account: Predict we must. Whaaaatttt????? Everyone thinks they're farking Yoda. So Greta Steyn who, in this little fantasy of yours, is Darth Vader?????? Ben Bernanke at the Federal Open Market Committee...yup kinda sounds like the Old Republic...oooh this could get messy.

Sorry if you don't watch the markets or follow the American economy...but you gotta take exception to a financial reporter invoking the Pointy-eared Ones "Object Subject Verb" linguistic characteristics.

CAPSoff.org

Pieter Hintjen woke up one morning and wondered "What am I going to do with myself today?”

"I know", he thought "I'll start a cause, a campaign." But all the really worthwhile humanitarian ones had already been take so Pieter was left with the CAPSoff Campaign. (No not a hat free day!)

The campaign to rid our keyboards of the superfluous caps lock key while, not one of the great philanthropic causes of the decade is still one that needs to be taken up. We have put up with these archaic legacy input devices for far too long. The caps lock key is just a visible symptom of a greater problem. THE KEYBOARD AS WE KNOW IT HAS NO PLACE IN THE MODERN OFFICE. (oops that might be hard to do without a caps lock key :)). Most of what we see and use are just legacy features from bygone eras. Even the QWERTY layout is inappropriate as it is an invention to prevent type bars from jamming together on typewriters.....haven’t had many type bar jams on my keyboard in the LAST TWO DECADES. (Whoops there I go caps locking again.).

Look I am not even going to go into to the range of useless keys like SysReq (oooh mines been shortened to SysRq…nearly missed that), Pause…PAUSE WHAT, Scroll Lock, the numbers 7 and 9……letters f, j and x. In fact all I really need on my keyboard is forward, back, left, right, fire and open. What else is there to life?

Anyway the campaign seems to be picking up speed. I signed the petition a couple of days ago at 142 and now there are already well over 800 signatories. So come on if we can’t save a whale let us at least try and ban a key and take one small step towards a newer brighter more modern input device.