Monkey Boy

McCartney's Pub and Grill

My parents have opened a Pub & Grill in Alberton called McCartney's. I was their were there wear their went along last weekend. Friday night was a disco and Saturday was the rugby (SA vs Australia). What a ball <wink>.

So if you're in the Alberton area pop in for a quick one (or two) and if you like to boogie to Kurt Darren's Loslappie DON'T miss the regular Friday Night Disco.

PS the picture is of my ear and Kelly's nose. Just to prove we went.

PPS the picture is from the rugby afternoon. The Friday night Disco pictures where destroyed to protect the innocent.

Amazing Whatcha-ma-gidget

Check out this knife. It was created by Wenger to celebrate 100 years of innovation. This unique special edition knife contains all 85 tools currently produced by Wenger (Maker of the Genuine Swiss Army Knife). These 85 tools can be used in over 100 functions and it's the World's Largest Swiss Army Knife. It's not exactly going to win any awards for lightest, smallest or most efficient tool but it probably will win you the title "King of All Gadgets". And even though this knife is a monster, weighing almost 3 pounds, don't worry - it does have a key ring so you can carry it on a belt loop.

• Contains an incredible 85 tools built into a single knife [list]    
• Manufactured by Wenger (Maker of the Genuine Swiss Army Knife)    
• Special edition knife, perfect for collectors    
• Weight: 2 lbs, 11 ounces    
• Dimensions: 8.75" wide    
• Lifetime warranty

There a full list of gadgets here.

Jim Steinman

Occasionally I come across the blog of someone famous. I found Jim Steinman's blog today...is he famous? Yes he is! He is the song writing talent behind Meatloaf and a lot of other famous singers. He had massive hits in 1983 with Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" and Air Supply's "Making Love (Out Of Nothing At All)" which were 1 and 2 on the US Billboard Chart for 4 weeks in a row. Other song you may know are "I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)" - Meatloaf, "Faster than the speed of night" - Bonnie Tyler and "Holding Out for a Hero" - Shrek II. Not my kinda music but I can appreciate a talent when I hear it.

So what did this giant musical talent write on his blog........

Tests
Testing Testosterone Testes Testicles Tess Of The D'Urbervilles
Tuesday, September 05, 2006

What keywords do you think he is trying to improve his search engine ranking for?

Are you a punk?

Remember when being punk meant getting a blowjob in the alley outside a $5 rock show, then walking in and getting hit with a Dixie Cup full of piss? Today it means moshing it up in the pit at Madison Square Garden while your parents hold your coat and mittens. Thanks a lot, Good Charlotte. - cracked.com.

I had a good chuckle when I read this. A coupla days ago I surfed across some Dead Kennedy's articles. Do ya remember "Too Drunk to Fuck"....aaaahhhh they don't write lyrics like that anymore, nice one Jello.  And the kids these days think they're bad-assed. BTW there's a little excerpt on wiki if you follow the link.

Why am I waffling on about this - well it's my birthday today and the big four-oh-shit is lunging towards me (not here yet but close enough that I can see the whites of it's eyes and get drool on my shoes).....and I am really beginning to wonder......"When will I feel like a grownup?"

Sexual Inequality

Fredrick the Flying Formicida

Not content in his day job Fredrick the Flying Formicida had taken to flinging himself over fellow fieldhands in the queue to the sugar bowl.

I wanted to load something on my YouTube account so here is Fredrick performing in motion.

Unfortunately yoootooob didn't like the long thin format so I had to squash the clip up a bit which makes Freddy (as he is known to his closest friends) look a little overweight.....the other ants have taken to calling him Freddy the Fat Fu#@er behind his little segmented back. Shame! There is another clip of Fredrick bouncing a bewildering back-flip at www.youtube.com/mboy.

Monkey Kick Off

In the tradition of annoying and simple flash games try and beat my score at Monkey Kick Off. Monkey Lander is also a pretty good game. Just takes a bit longer to play than Monkey Kick Off and requires far more skill.....you have to use 4 (yes four) keys.

Dog Food Diet

So I am standing in line at my local supermarket with a large bag of Pedigree dog food when the lady behind me, obviously just trying to ingratiate herself with such a dishy dude as me, asked if I had a dog. On impulse I replied,

    "No, I'm actually giving the Pedigree Doggy Kibble Diet another try although I probably shouldn't because the last time I tried it I ended up in hospital with tubes coming out every imaginable orifice and IV's in both arms,....."

Well the look of horror that started spreading over her face just spurred me on:

     "....although I did lose 20kgs. To work the diet every morning you load your pockets with kibbles and then eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is well balanced so you should get all of your nutritional requirements from it. That's why I want to give the diet another try."

By now the whole line was listening even the teller had stopped ringing through items.

"But...but...why did you end up in hospital?", the hapless women stammered, "Were you poisoned?"

"No...no...no", I said "nothing like that. I was sitting in the street licking my balls when a car hit me......"

Hot Corn

Lightsabre / Lightsaber

ThinkGeek just sent me their latest catalogue. I am trying to thing up a reason for why I NEED a Star Wars Lightsabre / Lightsaber - got to get it past Mrs Monkey Boy you know - because in the words of Dave Barry "You can only be young once. But you can always be immature."

BTW What's with all the sabre/saber crap.....well I never really thought about it but does the Star Wars Universe use American English or UK English. Aaahhh maybe the light side of the force use one dictionary and the dark side the other. I'll leave it up to you to decide which.