Monkey Boy

Money

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says,  "Where in the hell have you been?"

Larry replies,  "I was out getting a tattoo."

"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"

"I got a Fifty Pound note on my privates," he said proudly.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a Fifty Pound note tattooed on his privates?"

"Well, for one...I like to watch my money grow. Two...once in a while I like to play with my money. Three...I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly...instead of you going out wasting money on shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow Fifty quid anytime you want."

Larry is recovering nicely in the hospital...

Robbie Williams - Durban

My name is Robbie

Well I'm back from Durban. Made a lightning weekend visit to visit the in-laws, poke my toe in the ocean and see Robbie Williams live - love him or hate him no one can deny he puts on a kick-ass live show.

Apart from a little confusion getting into the grounds this was way better organised than the Coca-Cola Colab concert I attended a couple of weeks ago.....what can you expect from ABSA stadium Durban...events there are always well organised.....and selling beer in 2 litre plastic jugs...whoever thought of that deserves a medal.....and a job at Centurion (where the Coca-Cola concert was hosted).

Tell me that set doesn't
look like meat and 2 veg

The show was veteran (bet he hates the v-word) Robbie.....bursting on to stage with fire and smoke.....skipping and prancing back and forth and a ramp that extended into the inner circle crowd.....not sure if it was intentional but from where I sat.....in the stands about 1000 feet-up in the nose bleed section.....the ramp looked rather like a big prick. The flames were very effective and I'm sure a few of the front rowers(?) lost eyebrows cos even I could feel the heat round my oxygen mask (I'm telling you we were really high up).

The crowd rocked, despite the earlier quite heavy downpour, and screamed, and sang and threw their panties (I tried but I don't think my skivvies reached the stage...so if anyone picked up a pair of white Y-fronts, and provided your initials aren't RW.....can I have them back please.....they weren't intended for you).

Lucky 'Angels' climb
on stage

For closing Robbie invited 3 girls and their mother on stage to participate in the final song.....Angels.....RW sure has a good thing going with that.....he sings the opening bars then the stadium sing the rest of the song back to him.....that was pretty awesome having 48,000 people at ABSA stadium singing a song that doesn't involve grinding Australian, or New Zealand rugby teams into boerewors....or mince if the boerewors word means absolutely nothing to you.....pretty awesome.

(For those not in the know ABSA Stadium is the home of the Natal Sharks a South African rugby team...their team colours are black and white so Robbie, unintentionally I'm sure, scored quite a hit when he ran out in his black and white tracksuit for the second half.)

I think this was the playlist...no encores...but after singing Angel the crowd didn't have much left to give:

1. 
   Flames
   Radio
2. Rock DJ
3. Tripping
4. Monsoon
5. Sin Sin Sin
6. Trouble with Me
7. Millennium
8. Back for Good
9. No Regrets
10. Advertising Space
11. 
    Robbie with welding
    goggles - flame protection
    Ghosts
12. Come Undone
13. Feel
14. A Place To Crash
15. Kids
16. Make Me Pure
17. Let Me Entertain You
18. Strong
19. Angels

(BTW Sorry for the quality of the pictures but as I mentioned....we were reeeaaalllllyyy high!)

April Fools

It's almost April Fools Day....well as I am writing it is almost but a guess by the time you are reading this it could be a done deal.....what am I babbling about.....

Oh yes MSN are getting in on the act early....type in a friend or family members name and find out some juicy information about them from the web.....

Want to know what Monkey Boy's been up to.....http://www.mymsnsearch.com/results.aspx?q=Monkey+Boy&FORM=dX2PsvHNNAci ...it's all lies I tell you.

Anyway have a go it's a bit of mindless entertainment http://www.msnsearchspoof.com/index.aspx.

Coca Cola Colab Massive Mix

I was at the Coca Cola Colab Massive Mix concert in Centurion yesterday...the music was brilliant, the bands outstanding, the crowd incredible and the organisation absolutely sucky....There were 45000 people and it looked like they'd catered for a small private party of a coupla hundred. I had expected queues in the traffic to get parking, queues at the gate to get in...those however were extreme...and  a bit of queuing to buy alcohol....but boy they took queuing to the max yesterday.

We where allowed to take no refreshments, food, alcohol or soft drinks into the venue...so once we got through the gate we headed straight to the bar and stood in line for an hour...missing the Finkelsteins (who by the sound of it played an amazing set) only to be told the bar will be closed 15:00 to 16:00 for a cooling off period...COOLING OFF - I HADN"T EVEN GOT WARM YET.

No worries we don't need alcohol we'll get high on the good vibe and sugar...so we went to buy a cooldrink (South African for softdrink, coolie, soda or what ever you call Coca Cola and Fanta in your part of the world) and queued for another 45 minutes (missing Arno Carstens...who played a crappy set of his advert tunes.....) only to be told they had run out....just as a helicopter pulling a 30 meter Coca Cola banner circled overhead...they couldn't see the irony...this was the COCA COLA Mega Mix and we couldn't get COKE...or water or beer or fruit juice or ANYTHING liquid....so we milled about for a bit, when to the loo (surprisingly no queues at the toilets (just a coupla desperate people drinking from the bowls) but I guess when you withhold liquids from the masses at least you keep the loo quoo down), listened to Prime Circle in the background then thought buggrit "n boer maak a plan" (this translates as "a farmer makes a plan").

We left the concert - although they stated no pass-outs I think they caved under the near riotous pressure of the crowds - got in our car went to the shops and loaded up on booze, cooldrinks and chips....went back to the concert, smuggling our booty through the fence and got back in time to see The Rasmus start playing. (While we stood around sipping our premixed Rum & Coke and patting ourselves on the back for our ingenuity a guy saunters past rolling a key of beer. A WHOLE KEG. How on earth did he smuggle that through the fence?)

The Rasmus where excellent, the Seether where awesome....unfortunately, sandwiched between Seether and Metallica, Collective Soul seemed a bit flat, but from Metallica’s intro tape (see note) I knew it was all worth it and settled in (if you can call head banging for 2 hours settling) for the full two hour set (all the other bands had had between 30 and 50 minutes on stage)...no other way to describe it than - mind blowing.

After two encores SandMan and Seek and Destroy we left the stadium...a little dazed...and joined the last queue of the day, 2 hours to get our car out of the parking. It was all worth it to see the bands but really I hope the organisation is better for the Cape Town and Durban legs of the tour and to the guys and gals going...be prepared...take your refreshments with you and hook and crook them into the concert.

...maybe I am just getting too old for it all.

Note: Metallica always enter stage with the Ecstasy of Gold playing which has Tuco looking for Arch Stantons grave in the climatic scene from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Sorry about the picture quality...you weren't allowed to take a camera in either so these where the best we could do with a phone.

The Koala and the Lizard

A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past, looks up and says:

"Hey Koala, what are you doing?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbs up, sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.

After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this, swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"

The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"

So the koala looks down at him and says:

"Faaaaarrrrk dude.......how much water did you drink?!!"

Shoot the Crazy Frog

In the category of annoying, simple yet addictive games...shoot the crazy frog has got to be nominated. Give it a go...can you beat 92 yards? Leave me a comment...or better send me a picture of your winning score and I'll post it.

Thanks Samantha for leaving me this link...just lost about 3 hours work time :-) taking pot shots at the little bugger.

South Park

Have you noticed all these little South Park characters popping up on everyones blog. Well thats because you can build your own.....why not give it a go.

BTW this is me...Chimp With No Name

Fun Game

Do you have some time to spare...it will only take between 10 and 20 seconds.....<dastardly chuckle>

Found this link over at problogger.net...why is it that the simplest games are the most addictive. Post your times...I'm pretty crap, only managed 16.781 seconds so far...but I will persevere.

What Song Was Number 1 When You Were Born?

Found this fun link in the forums at BlogMad. You put in your date of birth and it tells you what was No 1 on the UK Top 40 the day you were born.  I was born 2 Sept 1968 and the song was <drum roll>........Beach Boys - Do It Again.......</drum roll>. (Do It Again??????, bet my mother didn't want to hear that as I was being born). I'm a little disappointed because I don't like the Beach Boys and I can't remember the song. I know I was born a couple of weeks early and later in the month the number 1 was Hey Jude - The Beatles which is a much better song to be born (to? under? with?) but oh how I wish my mother could have hung on till December when the number 1 was Hugo Montenegro Orchestra - The Good The Bad And The Ugly. One of my all time favourite songs...the anthem of the spaghetti western (my favourite movie genre) and signature tune of that uber cool cowboy Man with No Name.

Please leave a comment with your Number 1.

BTW things are hotting up at BlogMad. Beta testing starts 1 February 2005 so if you haven't joined yet...JOIN.....if you don't now what BlogMad is read my earlier posts.

Sudoku

Why haven't I been posting...one word...Sudoku! I'd seen these weird block number games in all the newspapers, magazines and on the web but I made a nasty assumption. I thought it involved arithmetic. It certainly looks like one of those games where "all numbers added then divided by the middle 2 numbers must equal the product of your age and a close friends age divided by 3". (Quite frankly mental arithmetic makes my brain hurt.) Well it's not.

Briefly, each row and each column and each 3 x 3 block can only contain the digits 1 to 9 once, in other words a pattern game. It could be played equally well with coloured counters or letters. The picture on the left shows where the number 5 must be placed in the top right-hand 3 x 3 block because it can be eliminated from all other positions by virtue of the placement of the other number 5's. Easy eh!. Wiki has a good explanation and there is a nice tutorial at Let's Play Sudoku.

Once you think you have the basics the best free games on the web are at Web Sudoku. So don't be scared, give it a try. I need some partners in this addiction cos then I can start an SA (Sudokolic Anonymous) chapter....

....does encouraging people to play make me a number-pusher or a sudoky-dealer?