Monkey Boy

Jim Steinman

Occasionally I come across the blog of someone famous. I found Jim Steinman's blog today...is he famous? Yes he is! He is the song writing talent behind Meatloaf and a lot of other famous singers. He had massive hits in 1983 with Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" and Air Supply's "Making Love (Out Of Nothing At All)" which were 1 and 2 on the US Billboard Chart for 4 weeks in a row. Other song you may know are "I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)" - Meatloaf, "Faster than the speed of night" - Bonnie Tyler and "Holding Out for a Hero" - Shrek II. Not my kinda music but I can appreciate a talent when I hear it.

So what did this giant musical talent write on his blog........

Tests
Testing Testosterone Testes Testicles Tess Of The D'Urbervilles
Tuesday, September 05, 2006

What keywords do you think he is trying to improve his search engine ranking for?

Farewell Steve Irwin

Steve Irwin was killed earlier today in a freakish accident. While diving off Australia's Great Barrier Reef his heart was pierced by the barb of a stingray. There is only one other recorded stingray fatality in Australia, and that was in 1945.

It was an honour to watch someone who was so passionate about the environment and life in general. Steve you will be sorely missed .....and wherever ya are mate...clear out the crocs so it's safe when we get there.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/5311298.stm

John Cleese's Letter to America

To lazy to write my own post I have lifted this from ChumpStyle...who I guess lifted it from John Cleese. He does go on a bit about 'u' and 'ise' so I have just picked out the points I found amusing.

BTW if you are not visiting ChumpStyle regularly.....you should be!

To the citizens of the United States of America In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

5.There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

17. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "soccer". Those of you brave enough will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

Thank you for your co-operation. John Cleese

Birthday Wishes

Yesterday, apart from the real birthday wishes from friends and family (for which I thank everyone) I also received a lot of birthday wishes from different computers/servers/forums all over the world. Shew...I never realised just how many things I'd signed up for...and how many sites tricked me into revealing my birthday...and I never did receive that blow-up.....eeerrr ooops.

Point is it's pointless. (Now there is a sentence that's economical with words.....yup I pay for this shite by the word and I got a discount on the -less.)

A birthday wish is just a birthday spam if it comes from an automated system that doesn't know you from Martha. And these "systems" obviously know nothing about me. Otherwise they'd know better than to send me poncy-woncy messages like the message I received from a cute little dual processor server somewhere in Arkansas:

Happy Birthday Andrew, "A smile is the light in your window that tells others that there is a caring, sharing person inside." ~ Denis Waitley ~

Oh Really!!! -  then what exactly does the "light in my window" juxtaposed with the axe in my hand tell others...... .....HUH....... .....better start running..... .....cos.......... .........Here's Johnny!!!!!!!!!!

Are you a punk?

Remember when being punk meant getting a blowjob in the alley outside a $5 rock show, then walking in and getting hit with a Dixie Cup full of piss? Today it means moshing it up in the pit at Madison Square Garden while your parents hold your coat and mittens. Thanks a lot, Good Charlotte. - cracked.com.

I had a good chuckle when I read this. A coupla days ago I surfed across some Dead Kennedy's articles. Do ya remember "Too Drunk to Fuck"....aaaahhhh they don't write lyrics like that anymore, nice one Jello.  And the kids these days think they're bad-assed. BTW there's a little excerpt on wiki if you follow the link.

Why am I waffling on about this - well it's my birthday today and the big four-oh-shit is lunging towards me (not here yet but close enough that I can see the whites of it's eyes and get drool on my shoes).....and I am really beginning to wonder......"When will I feel like a grownup?"

Don't Ya Want To Help a Flat Girl Out?

Heather needs new boobs. After breast feeding two kids they're a little on the floppy side. Unable to afford surgery she has started an Internet campaign to raise funds. There is an extremely interesting ChipIn graphic where you can donate to either the left or the right one. So far the right has earned more eerr ... "tips".

Apart for the obvious fun behind donating to a tit I actually find the whole ChipIn concept quite clever. Let's say we all go out to dinner. At the end of the evening I settle the bill. Then I create a ChipIn account and send you all a mail with what you owe me. You can pay by credit card or Paypal and the ChipIn account keeps me updated and the rest of you reminded. It's uses are endless, collecting money for a birthday present, membership fees, sponsored charity events or even a new pair of noombies.

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Neotel

Anyone who knows me.......knows how long I have been waiting for this.......

All I can say is Cool Bananas!

A time and a place for everything there is

Headline on Fin24 Current Account: Predict we must. Whaaaatttt????? Everyone thinks they're farking Yoda. So Greta Steyn who, in this little fantasy of yours, is Darth Vader?????? Ben Bernanke at the Federal Open Market Committee...yup kinda sounds like the Old Republic...oooh this could get messy.

Sorry if you don't watch the markets or follow the American economy...but you gotta take exception to a financial reporter invoking the Pointy-eared Ones "Object Subject Verb" linguistic characteristics.

dotMobi is NOT coming to South Africa

I was writing an article for Phrooti - .mobi is coming! - and I realised yes it might be coming to the rest of the world but it doesn't look like it is coming to South Africa.

The .mobi extension is a new top-level domain name for web sites that target mobile devices. It has a very catchy tag line – Internet Made Mobile. Content published on these sites will be audited for suitability and users will browse the .mobi Internet namespace confident that the sites they visit will behave appropriately on their mobile device. With 4 mobile phones sold for every 1 PC this is potentially a massive and under exploited market. (yeah once they get internet we can start exploiting them...don't think there is a nicer way to say it).

The .mobi name registration is going through 3 complicated stages:

1. Sunrise registration (now till 25 Sept) - companies with registered trademarks can take up their name. Brands such as Virgin, Fanta, IBM have already been reserved.
2. Landrush registration (26 Sept till 10 Oct) - where applicants pay a premium to try and grab their choice of address.
3. General registration (11 Oct onwards) - the general mayhem that passes for Internet name registration.

During the course of my research for the Phrooti article I realised none of the big South African brands were registered. What's wrong guys not interested in marketing to the 20 million SA cell phone users? Or is it just another case of typical African lethargy.....must be something they put in our water!

The .mobi logo and “Internet Made Mobile” tag line are registered trademarks of dotMobi (mTLD Mobile Top Level Domain, Ltd.). They’re base in Dublin, Ireland.

The large raspberry is for Phrooti (cos it's frooty) and South African brands (cos I couldn't spell: a loud, abrasive, spluttering noise made with the lips and tongue to express contempt)

First Breakup

Do you remember your first breakup...not the teenage crush business...but your first real breakup. Maybe you were even living together. Anyway we were and typically the fight was over money. Both of us were struggling students and she said we didn't have money to spend on beer...can you believe it. Anyway a few days later I catch spending R150.00 on make-up. So I confront her saying that it seems unfair for her to spend money on herself when I had to give up beer.

"No," she said "the make-up is to make myself look pretty to you."

I told her "that's exactly what the beer is for."

We haven't spoken since:)