Monkey Boy

Facebook

Sorry...there is just no time to blog when you are facebooking.

Text Messages

Can you SMS "The razor-toothed piranhas of the genera Serrasalmus and Pygocentrus are the most ferocious freshwater fish in the world. In reality they seldom attack a human."?

Why would you want to? Well it is the 160 character phrase the Guinness Book of World Records sets to test claimants to the record for the world's fastest text'ers (sms'ers?). The current holder of the title is sixteen-year-old Ang Chuang Yang who managed the message in 41.52 seconds.

I guess with it taking me a good 1 minute 37 the other night to smash out a "Shorry l8. driNk pub" to the wife, I will have to go back into training before giving the Guinness guys a call.

Birthday Wishes

Yesterday, apart from the real birthday wishes from friends and family (for which I thank everyone) I also received a lot of birthday wishes from different computers/servers/forums all over the world. Shew...I never realised just how many things I'd signed up for...and how many sites tricked me into revealing my birthday...and I never did receive that blow-up.....eeerrr ooops.

Point is it's pointless. (Now there is a sentence that's economical with words.....yup I pay for this shite by the word and I got a discount on the -less.)

A birthday wish is just a birthday spam if it comes from an automated system that doesn't know you from Martha. And these "systems" obviously know nothing about me. Otherwise they'd know better than to send me poncy-woncy messages like the message I received from a cute little dual processor server somewhere in Arkansas:

Happy Birthday Andrew, "A smile is the light in your window that tells others that there is a caring, sharing person inside." ~ Denis Waitley ~

Oh Really!!! -  then what exactly does the "light in my window" juxtaposed with the axe in my hand tell others...... .....HUH....... .....better start running..... .....cos.......... .........Here's Johnny!!!!!!!!!!

dotMobi is NOT coming to South Africa

I was writing an article for Phrooti - .mobi is coming! - and I realised yes it might be coming to the rest of the world but it doesn't look like it is coming to South Africa.

The .mobi extension is a new top-level domain name for web sites that target mobile devices. It has a very catchy tag line – Internet Made Mobile. Content published on these sites will be audited for suitability and users will browse the .mobi Internet namespace confident that the sites they visit will behave appropriately on their mobile device. With 4 mobile phones sold for every 1 PC this is potentially a massive and under exploited market. (yeah once they get internet we can start exploiting them...don't think there is a nicer way to say it).

The .mobi name registration is going through 3 complicated stages:

1. Sunrise registration (now till 25 Sept) - companies with registered trademarks can take up their name. Brands such as Virgin, Fanta, IBM have already been reserved.
2. Landrush registration (26 Sept till 10 Oct) - where applicants pay a premium to try and grab their choice of address.
3. General registration (11 Oct onwards) - the general mayhem that passes for Internet name registration.

During the course of my research for the Phrooti article I realised none of the big South African brands were registered. What's wrong guys not interested in marketing to the 20 million SA cell phone users? Or is it just another case of typical African lethargy.....must be something they put in our water!

The .mobi logo and “Internet Made Mobile” tag line are registered trademarks of dotMobi (mTLD Mobile Top Level Domain, Ltd.). They’re base in Dublin, Ireland.

The large raspberry is for Phrooti (cos it's frooty) and South African brands (cos I couldn't spell: a loud, abrasive, spluttering noise made with the lips and tongue to express contempt)

Hit and Run

I surfed across this note on crack.com today. One of the funniest things I have read in a long time. Do yourself a favour and follow the link to the complete article, especially if you are having a bad day. It certainly cracked me up.

I know it's a bit longer than my readers usually have to deal with but it shouldn't take you too long to get through it. No more than say 10 minutes.....even if you have to mouth the words.....I know I timed myself okay!

So You've Regained Consciousness... by Jay Pinkerton

"If you are reading this letter, that means I left it pinned to your clothes after having driven over you with my car. Hello! If your wounds are severe enough that you are unable to read this letter on your own, please blow on the whistle and have someone read it to you. Do not allow them to call the police yet. Finish the letter first. You'll see where I'm going with this in a minute."

Keep Reading...

What is SEO?

Heard of SEO (Search Engine Optimisation)? It is the science (art?) of optimising your web site so certain keywords will pop you to the top of the google page when people search for them. F'instance if you are a plumber you might want a search for "leaky faucet" to return your site first.

Well SEO is a hot topic at the moment with consultants selling it as service, crooksters selling "trade secrets", snake oil salesmen selling the promise of eternal placement and spammers.....well spammers just spam.........

Why did I start this post.....dum...dee...dum....oh yeah....I noticed I have been getting an abnormally large amount of traffic for a certain keyword combination - try it - google "koala lizard" or "lizard koala" and I pop to the top of the page. So right now if you are selling lizard leather shoes with a koala fur lining...www.monkeyboy.ws is *HOT* property you just might want to think about making me an offer$$$ *wink* *wink*

How did this happen, send me a cheque and I'll send you the secret.......no.....just joking.....it was the Koala & Lizard Joke (not mine just plagurised from somewhere...probably the site below mine on google (sorry guys)) and thanks everyone who has been googling it I love that joke cracks me up every time I read it.

Phrooti

I know I am bad...bad...bad...my 3 fans must be really p#$$ed cos I don't post anymore. Work has kind of overtaken me and my latest venture www.phrooti.co.za / www.phrooti.com is taking up any creative energy I might have. Hopefully once that is up and running I can move Monkey Boy on to wordpress and over to phrooti...but we will see.

What is Phrooti...well phrooti, fruity, frooty, f'rut'i is my virtual ISP internet services company. All the normal fruity spellings had been take so I ended up with the phat one...Phrooti...ged it.

We do hosting - windows or linux, internet access (dialup or ADSL) and web design. Don't worry I'm not doing the web design myself. I have found a very capable web designer to help me out in this regard.

I'm not going to promise any more postings at this stage...but if you miss me check out my other sites www.phrooti.co.za and www.petrelcc.co.za. Or look for my pictures on flickr www.flickr.com/photos/mydigicam.

Uncyclopedia

Well I'm not sure of the point of Uncyclopedia, who started it and why and "frankly dear I don't give a crap" - but they do seem to have an opinion on everything.

Uncyclopedia on Java : "Saying Java is good because it works on all operating systems is like saying anal sex is good because it works on both genders" Hey ! Never thought of it that way!     ~ The Pope

Uncyclopedia on Microsoft: Microsoft (comes from the German word "Mikroschaft", which means small penis), a now defunct software company, was a victim to the rampant software piracy.

Uncyclopedia on Kitten Huffing: Kitten huffing is a controversial practice that has recently been growing as a popular and healthy alternative to street drugs

Uranis renamed to Urrectum

Picked up this story on UnNews - the News section of Uncyclopedia.

Recently scientists decided to change the name of the planet Uranus to Urrectum. Unfortunately people still made fun of the planets.

One distressed scientist said,"I dunno what to do about Uranus, we change the name and people laugh, we keep it and people laugh."

Aliens from Uranus were also unhappy,"We felt there would be an improvement and we must say this is a disappointment. Uranus is the joke of the galaxy, mocked by even the youngest toddler."

Scientists are now considering changing it again to Urmomma, more updates as this story develops but so far the general consensus is positive. Paris Hilton said "Urmomma is hot". Aliens later killed Paris Hilton for unrelated reasons, many people rejoiced.

Now go over there and read their stuff and stop pestering me for articles.

Web 1.0 Beta

Did you think that only Web 2.0 apps where allowed to appear in Beta form...I found some neat Google beta logos on the wayback internet machine.

BTW I am on holiday at Mopane Bush Lodge...hence the dreary post. Hopefully I'll have plenty of pics and stories when I get back.